So I was out drinking again last night (go figure…), and I was by myself after 1…which was nice. I don’t usually get to just enjoy “alone time.” I did a little bar hoping and ended up at Oz, the gay bar here in town for those who may not know.

I realized once I got there I didn’t have any cash left, and they don’t accept plastic, so I just ordered a water and tipped the bartender the 2 quarters I had left in my pocket. I was chit chatting with some random people, when this pretty good looking guy came up to me and asked me if he could buy a cigarette for $1.

Now, for those who haven’t been to Oz, it’s unusual to see good looking men in this bar, especially to have any one of them nice enough to actually be approachable, so I was a little in shock. Because I’m exorbitantly smooth, I offered “you can just have a cigarette, because you’re really cute.” He smiled. So I stumbled around for the cigarettes in Satchel (my purse), looking in all the wrong pockets even though I knew exactly which pocket it was in, thinking that it would give me time to devise something stunning to say. Instead, I found the cigarettes, and blurted out something along the lines of “I’d offer to buy you a drink, but I’m out of money. ..I mean, I’m out of cash, and they don’t accept plastic here. I mean, I do have money, well, not a lot, but really…”

Realizing what a complete fool I sound like, whilst my cheeks are burning with awkward air and sheer bashfulness, the man replies “I’m Clay.”

I couldn’t help but to think that probably would have been a better way to start off the conversation, Elliott…. but I trotted along hoping that I hadn’t made a total idiot out of myself. “Elliott. Nice to meet you, have a seat.” As I gestured towards the empty stool next to me, since he was standing anyway.

He ending up buying me a drink and we chatted til barclose. At this point, I invited him out to Perkins for a cup of coffee, when some other guy at the bar started to chime in “Well if you guys are going to Perkins, do you mind if I come also?” I really didn’t want him to, but I also didn’t want to look like a jerk in front of new found hottie, so I looked at him for his opinion and he gave the same look right back to me. “Um, alright…I guess that’d be okay….” I stated in a less than indifferent manner.

Clay followed me to Perkins and Creep-o met us there. Nobody ordered food, except for my extremely classy self ordered a side of Microwaved Mac & Cheese. Yummy.

Clay stated he’s in the Air Force division of the National Guard, or something…I don’t really understand military divisions and such, but his job is one of those Don’t Ask Don’t Tell type DOMA policy type jobs. Ick. So, he states he’s in town because his dad lives in Marshfield, and that he was planning on driving back to Marshfield tonight after the bar, but had a little bit too much to drink.

Creep-o quickly jets in “Oh, well you’re welcome to sleep on my couch downstairs.”

Clay, who is now thoroughly analysing this old, creepy, decrepid looking guy who’s wearing a deep plum lipstick that covers only parts of his lips, eyeliner that looks like it was last touched up about 12 hours prior, croc style sandals, black tights with a black skirt, and a black tight v-neck, even quicker rejects, “I appreciate your generosity, but it’s too much to offer; however, where’s a hotel near here that I can get on the highway right away in the morning?”

Here’s where I get smooth: “Well, there’s a Holiday Inn Express right off the highway, and it’s practically on my way home…You could follow me out there.” About time I play something right.

He accepts, we pay our bill and say good night to creep-o, who looks devastated that he wasn’t invited on our roadtrip.

Clay, who’s parked next to me, right as I’m entering into my car, “Elliott, how can I persuade you to stay with me tonight?”

… My stomach twists with both fear and excitement. I’d been hoping he’d ask, but I didn’t really expect it to, and now I don’t know if I should say something witty like “Well, I accept cash” or just be legitimate and confess “You just did.” So…in debate of which to say I studder “Um… I think that would be nice.” You know, nothing like showing a little hesitation to make them sweat.

After we get to the hotel, I smoke a cigarette (smoking room) and then undress to my underwear for bed. He turns off the lights before he does the same. Now I’m wondering…I’ve never hooked up with a guy at a bar before. I haven’t hooked up with a guy in a hotel room since I was like 16. What’s the standard operating procedures? Do I get in the same bed? Should I have brushed my teeth? So, I just acted on impulse and climbed into bed next to him.

Luckily, he took it from there. He leaned over and pulled him towards him so we’re both on our sides. Kissing me, he thrusts me onto my back and climbs on top of me. He then proceeds to pull off my underwear, which is wear I begin to panic. I should have said something…”No”, probably would have done. “Not yet.” “Not this fast.” Anything…but I didn’t, because I was scared, unfamiliar, and have been lonely and desparate lately.

It’s not that I didn’t want him, but I didn’t want him like this. Instead of speaking my mind, I adjust my body to make it easier for him to strip my clothing, and then he does his.

After 10 minutes of him being aggressive and fooling around with me, without it really getting anywhere because I can’t focus on anything except for that I’m having a one night stand with a person I barely know and how I’m really not enjoying how I feel or what I’m doing, I finally work up the courage to tell him to stop.

He did, immediately, which was good. I was suddenly having racing thoughts of being violated inside some hotel room with no one to hear me. Needless to say, there’s a reason why I don’t normally have one night stands.

Although I knew this was for the best that I stopped and probably would have been best if I just said no to staying over, I felt almost guilty for stopping, so I apologized. I advised him that I don’t usually hook up like this, and that I’ve never actually hooked up with someone at a bar before. I think he understood and he told me that I don’t need to apologize. I don’t know why I just didn’t leave and go home, but I decided instead to sleep over anyway.

The rest of the night, well, the details aren’t anything important.

The morning, however, was very awkward. At this point, I’m totally sober, and just as clueless as I was last night as what the policy was. When my alarm clock woke me up so I could go home and get ready for work, it woke him as well. I got out of bed and got dressed, and was fumbling through my mind with what to say or do. I didn’t want to exchange phone numbers, he didn’t even know my last name. Luckily, he engaged in conversation first. “Thanks for everything,” he stated.

I replied “You too,” since I really had no idea what to say. As I was about to leave he had climbed out of bed and approached me and kissed me. It was very weird. I barely even knew this guy, which makes me feel a little bit like scum or sleeping naked next to him all night, but to kiss me good bye? I don’t know, it felt like it was out of place. I usually don’t kiss people goodbye unless I’m romantically involved with them.

So, I took the kiss, and we parted ways. I was lucky enough to score some free breakfast downstairs in the hotel lobby.

Overall, I’m relieved that there wasn’t anything extremely awkward this morning, as far as having to explain why I don’t want to exchange numbers or anything along the lines of that. I don’t regret the experience because I certainly took a lot away from it, educationally speaking. However, I can’t see myself hooking up with someone in that manner again. I’m just not a one-night-stand type of boy.

I want something real.