You know when you’re really exhausted and you just want to sleep? Of course you do. Okay, well, now add in the factor it’s 0713 and you have to be up at 0730 for work. Now, 17 minutes may not sound like much, but it’s seventeen more minutes that I was awake when I could have been sleeping. 17 more minutes I could have used to get past this hang over. But my 17 minutes were thwarted as I was alerted by activity outside my door. No big deal, I get up and close the door. …I can still hear the voices. [Insert cartoon-like animation of Elliott’s face turning red and eyes popping out from AM irritability.]

Now I know that they can’t really help it that I can hear them…I mean, when I least want it I can hear like a bat…or a wolf…or something that can hear really, really well. Like a ninja bat.

So my ninja bat like senses encourage me to put a pillow over my head so I can sleep just those 17 more minutes…which sounds pretty good still at this point. You know, scratch that. It sounds amazing at this point…it would be fairly epic to sleep that much more. It’s like finding Jesus, but better because you get more out it: sleep.

But I was rendered unable to find Jesus. As soon as I covered my head up and got snuggled back into bed and tried to fall asleep for those 17 more minutes, my roommate opens my door to get my laptop.

So I’m not a morning person to begin with, but now I’m getting irritated. Really, irritated. So she comes right next to my bed and picks up the laptop, and as she does so he cats invade my room. I just overheard a conversation how they keep puking all over the house, which is why I had placed that pillow over my head.

Although I really wanted to think about sleep, at this point I’m really thinking about what I would do to that cat if it pukes on my floor, considering I stepped into a nice, warm and fresh piece of cat feces not 2 days ago when getting out of bed.

So still struggling to sleep, my roommate dances around my room loudly whispering “here kitty,” waving my alarm clock screen on the computer all over for me to see that my 17 minutes has now decreased to 12 minutes. But it’s still a dozen…

After a seemingly much longer 1-2 minutes of this happening in my room this morning, my roommate collects her cat and my computer and evacuates. You would think this would finally reposition me to a sleeping point, but then I hear these noises coming from the computer or my roommates flat iron or something. You know how you get chills down the spine of your back when it feels like someone’s watching you? Well, imagine that but having a nerve that’s triggered at the bottom of your back, that goes all the way back up to your mind and alerts you “You’re never falling back asleep, because Jesus hates you.”

So… now it’s 0743, and I’ve been awake for what should have been 13 minutes, could have been much less than 17 minutes, and is now 30 minutes.

I think I’ll have to convey to my roommates that I’m not a morning person.

At all.