I’m very angry, at the moment. Perhaps it is a build up everything over the last few days especially. Let me start from the top. I used to have a secret, one that I didn’t even know myself. Over time I’ve come to understand this secret, and have just recently begun to accept it. Kudos to Ed for helping me sort out my feelings on the issue, it’s helped me out a great deal.

So what is this “almighty secret”? If I tell, it wouldn’t be a secret, so that’s exactly what I will do. I am bisexual, gay, homo, queer, fag, whatever the hell anyone who bothers to read another persons diary would like to call it. I recently came out of the closet to myself, and very recently (ie: yesterday/today?), to more or less the friends who don’t know already and those whom I care about. There are a few yet who don’t know, but they’ll know soon enough.

I have no further use in denying it. As to what exactly is the point? I’ve no clue as to that reason. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking on this lately. Came to the conclusion. I like both genders, but highly prefer men. Perhaps this is because I can communicate with them so much easier or maybe they’re just better looking. I dunno.

Anyways, on to the point of my angry. I came out of the closet to my best friend yesterday at school. His response “really? for how long?” After replying the answer, I explained how the gay jokes I have been doing over the last 4 years or so, were only meant as jokes, just to ensure he would not be creeped out. His further response? “That’s cool dude, I don’t give a shit what you are.” Thanks, asshole.

To further that, him and I had plans to hang out today for a couple days now; blown off with the snap of a finger, multiple times throughout the day. Fuck it, “I don’t give a shit.”

Thought a day off of work would be nice, ended up going in there and somehow managed myself to volunteer to take down a movie for the sake of helping another employee out. I know he was glad for my help, but taking down movies is one of the things on my “not to do list”, it can be very aggrivating.

Random topic switching. Told another friend over text messages on the phone today, slowly hinted towards it. First response from her “your sick.” After asking why she said because I checked out guys, and then said “or were you joking, atleast i hope you were.” In the past I would have said “yeah lol, that’s not my thing” or something of the sort, but like I’ve said, there is no true point, either they accept it or they don’t, I don’t need a reason to hide who I am. After explaining to her I’m bi, she just said “oh that’s cool” and changed the subject. Much like my other friend. I’m glad to know how much they care about me, that something like this that will forever alter my life can be rub off as “cool” or just “i don’t give a shit.” I’ll remember that the next time you are in need of advice. Assholes, fuck you both.

Schools over, almost. Just have exams. Wonderful. Work says I will hopefully be getting more hours, I can only hope that it turns out true, I like my job, and the ever expanding responsibilities of it. Atleast that’s one good part of my day.

Also, watched Cinderella Man tonight, good movie, based on a true story. I would have gladly paid the $8 to see it, if I didn’t get in free, it was one of the movies that just “touches” you. Movies are good distractions for the mind.

I told a couple other friends today about me as well, they’re responses varied, for better or worse as compared to the previously mentioned: I’m not sure.

It’s not as if it matters, most of these people are either gone from my life because of graduating, or will be within the next year. I’ve made my commitment, if they do not wish to put in their own, then so fucking be it.

Argh. Had a chance to call perhaps my truest friend so far tonight, first time in a year or so since I’ve been able to do that. Was good to hear from him, helped cheer me up. Thanks for the talk, if you’re reading this, looking forward to another one sometime soon. 🙂

*Sigh* Well, after discussing what was on my mind, I’ve overcome the anger part, now just comes the depressing part of realizing a fair portion of my friends are leaving my life, for better or worse, and I have to bite the bullet when the others who don’t know find out from either myself, or from hearsay, won’t be long before I’ve got people harassing me for it, I’m sure. I’m not concerned about it though. There are those in my life who I just care so much for, so long as I have them I am not concerned at all for any other reason. If you’re reading this also, you know who you are, thanks again. 🙂

I’ve breached one of the hardest barriers for me there was, I only hope it was good timing, I’ll find out soon enough. Smile. 🙂