I couldn’t finish my post before, I lost control.

There was a promise to myself I made. Several months ago. His old computer, in the room next door, it’s damaged, the software is bugged. The computer is an Apple II GS from 1987, so there’s not really much help available for it; but I’m good with computers, it’s one of my specialties; so I promised him I would fix it. I started on it, but never finished it, in fact I don’t even think it’s plugged in anymore. I want to resume my project, restore the computer to it’s original health, it’d be wonderful to come across some of my dad’s files, perhaps find something that may be of great emotional value, it would be truly spectacular. Most people leave notes when they suicide, had he left one on the computer, we would never know it. It’s not that I’m looking for that in general, but for anything that I can read, and be happy just reading it, some form of fulfillment for the gap in my life.

That, and I think I’m going to go visit his grave after school today. It’s been far too long since I’ve been there, and I regret that as well. Even to see his name enscribed onto the wall, brings joy to know I can always find him, if no where else in my head.

The man I aspire to be, a man who not only was an incredible person, but as well as an awe inspiring father.