Wow, it’s amazing how much can change in only a few short months, let alone years..

On May 19th of 2005 I came out of the closet as “bi” to my best friend Greg, as many of you readers know (if I still have any readers left, at least). Within a few months, I realized I was gay and that women just didn’t really interest me sexually. I started off manly-ish. I had short hair. I liked sports. I was your “stereotypical straight high schooler” who talked about sex only to be cool. Who thought he was somehow different than the rest and not some naive punk.

Well, I was wrong. I grew up a little bit…started to find my own footing. At some point I started to become more “femmy.” I’m not really sure which point that was…but it was somewhere there I guess. I became what I can quote from a few of my friends “The gayest of the gayest of the gays”. I felt comfortable with myself. I felt like I knew exactly who I was and what I wanted. I hadn’t been as free and happy ever before.

Then I met Kassie.

Kassie is a girl who’s a little bit on the boyish side, but still very much a girl, and overall still has a lot of feminine qualities. We met as friends. My lesbian friend Erin introduced us several months back…and none of us thought anything of it. Well, I recently switched jobs from Kwik Trip to Dennys (again), where Kassie happens to work.

Kassie and I quickly developed a friendship…we have a lot of similar interests and qualities. We ended up going out drinking multiple occasions, but the one that truly matters is the one that happened just barely over a week ago.

We may have had a few too many, and ended up back at her house…not expecting anything to happen….well, it did.

It’s not that I’m surprised so much about drunken sex…I mean really, who hasn’t had drunken sex unexpectedly? Usually not with a gender other than what you typically prefer perhaps, but still. What surprises me is the fact that I really liked it, a lot. To be honest, it shocked and scared the complete hell out of me. I’ve just spent the last 6 1/2 years of my life thinking I knew exactly who I was. That little safety net, the plastic bubble around me has been destroyed and completely removed. This is a big deal. I swear I’m going through a mid life crisis, but I’m forced to work a double shift at work before I can talk to anyone about it.

I ended up going out to dinner with my best friend LJ that night. He’s pretty much the person I go to with any major concern or issue I have, because he’s honest and gives good advice. Well, I spoke to him about it, and he helped me explore the issue. He helped me tremendously. I know from the first time I came out of the closet that when you’re ready to come out, that first person really has to be supportive or it’s going to be a rocky road. Which is why I chose LJ. I knew he would understand, yet I was still feeling ashamed of myself in someways. I felt like I was betraying the gay community.

Well, it’s been over a week now, and I’ve had the conversation with many different people… Everyone has been pretty accepting. When people ask me if I’m gay or bi, I tell them I am me, and that’s the only label I’ll append to myself anymore. I still like men, yes, but I’m also seeing that I can like women too. I feel like I can romantically care for a person based on who they are, not what they have between the legs. Obviously, with any relationship, there has to be some sort of sexual attraction, and there is.

I can’t explain why it happened and how it all became so sudden, but I can tell you that this is just as much a part of me as when I thought being gay was a part of me. I will make no apologies or hold no regrets towards it, as I’m being myself, finally. I’m allowing myself to be whomever I meant to be, not what society and labels force me to conform to.

I’m happy, and I’m free. I’m me.