So I’m listening to Queen right now (like usual). “Breakthru” is the title of the song. The lyrics that keep relating to me are “Somehow I have to make this final breakthru.” This applies to me everyday and everynight, I constantly have a struggle going on. I am constantly battling something, searching for an escape, or in this case, a breakthru.

Lately, it’s been several things. Two larger ones right now. First one, the girlfriend. It’s been confirmed she doesn’t know that I’m bisexual, so I have to fill her in on that tomorrow. The time has come. I’ve also confirmed she’s against gays, but yet she has a gay friend. Not quite sure how that works, but I’ve never really understood women, heh. Tomorrow, we are supposed to go out. I will tell her then. I’m not going to break it off, but I will tell her and leave it up for her to decide. If she wishes to keep dating, great, but I see that as unlikely.

The second larger one is my hair. I want to dye it blue. One problem, work. ShopKo doesn’t allow “extreme” hair colours, so I am currently in the process and reviewing the dress code, looking for some kind of loophole. There has to be a way. My current thought is wig, so long as it’s not extreme there should not be a problem. I will wear the wig when I am clocked in and when I am not, bear my indigo blue hair to the world.

People have been asking me why in the world I want blue hair. A lot. The answer? I don’t know, why do you want “natural” coloured hair? To each their own. I should be able to decide what I want to do with myself and it is, and has been since I was 13, to try dying my hair blue. It is, afterall, my favourite colour. Also, the fact that work regulates such feable things just aggrivates me. I’ve never been one to accept opression, and I plan to battle this fued with ShopKo all the way to the end. I am prepared to get fired for it, if they will not accept the wig idea. I am, however, not rushing into things. (Except the fact I already bleached my hair and bought the blue colouring…from ShopKo, actually…). I am currently negotiating with my managers, and as stated above, searching for loopholes. The store manager for ShopKo seems like a pretty reasonable guy, albiet I really don’t know him at all, only seen/talked to him about 4 or 5 times. Turns out he is tatooed all over, and just wears longer clothing to cover it. If they allow clothing to cover tatoos, why not wigs to cover up hair? Just a matter, where do I find a wig? I’ll talk to the people at cost cutters and stuff, maybe they know where I can go.

So I’m sort of developing a crush on this guy I work with. He’s gay, too. He’s cute, and extremely nice and comical. I enjoy greatly hanging out with him as friends, and have lately had thoughts about going further with this. (Assuming I am no longer dating Sarah, that is.) There is one thing, however. The age factor. He is 35. Hehe, just kidding. He’s 21, but still, it’s almost a 4 year age difference. I’ve never been against dating people older to such an extent (or extents even further, really), but I’ve also never been for it. I dunno, I’ll have to think about it. If I decide I don’t mind, and I end up being single, maybe I will talk to him (Ryan) about it. We’ll see. Age is, afterall, just a number, right?

Looks like I’ll be fixing up my truck, found some tires for it. (I have two bad ones, but a spare on one of them for now.) I need to replace a section of the exhaust pipe, and I also need to replace the spark plugs, maybe the spark plug wires and boots and the one piece that I forget the name of now. (Something that has to do with them, but I’m no car specialist dude person guy.) Not sure if I’m going to be driving it again right away, but it’ll be nice to know I have it if I end up needing it. Or, I may just end up selling it after I fix it, make a bit of a profit. Who knows?

I finally bought my new PC. It’s pretty nice, got some cool little glowing toys on it. Cathodes, apparently, is what they are called. Also, the fan speed controls on the front glow according to the speed at which they are running, and the fan on the side of the case glows several neon colours. It’s pretty, in any case. The stats aren’t too bad, but they’re not exactly top of the line, either. Equivilancy of a 2 or 3 year old computer, about. (The processor is OC’ed from 2.8 to 3.3ghz, however.)

Been living with the Witters for almost a month now, still feels great and I love it here. Keeps getting better, actually. There are, of course, a few things that irk me, but that’s true of any time you live with someone. Besides, they are nothing major enough for me to complain to anyone about other than myself and my blog. (If you’re going to be in my room, clean up after yourself! [Please? :D])

Saving up for England has come to a non progressing conclusion. I haven’t saved up anything yet. I am beating myself for this, and am starting to create a budget sheet for myself. I will not allow myself to fail this goal. It is the goal for me. I would give up the blue hair for this, even, haha. Really though, I will be in England, and I will succeed. I refuse to accept anything less than that. That’s final, too.

Lost my cell phone during exams, arghhhh. I have been without it for 5 days now. Surprisingly, I almost feel more relaxed without it. It almost makes me want to cancel my account with sprint. Only problem, is that I am on a 2 year contract (which expires June ’07). Of course, you could cancel it, and I will have to when I move, but there will be a fee involved. Argh. Stupid fees. I’ll think about it, though. If I can’t find it by Tuesday (I know I lost it somewhere at school), I’ll be buying a new one, I’m sure.

Exams went well, I think. I hope, too, cos if they didn’t, I am 150% f-u-c-k-e-d up the arse. Ficken am der arsche! Haha. If I failed them, and it results in my failing the class, I fail high school, I fail my goal of reaching England. I was borderline on a few things from slacking the last few months of school, and it killed me. Or may, at least. There is a chance that if I have failed one class, I may make it up next semester, at the sacrifice of 11 more off mods. Considering I only have 17 (these include lunch mods [each mod is 20 minutes]) throughout the week, this would really hurt my schedule. Most 2nd semester seniors (the ones that didn’t graduate at sem), have about 60 off mods, so 17, or 6 if worse comes to worse, is terrible. It is though, the price I pay for fucking up so badly the first 3 years of high school. I also need to take the ACT, but first I need to register for it, and come up with the $50 for it. Argh.

I owe about $600 worth of debt yet, but that will all be paid off by feb 7th, I’m sure. If I can save up $1000 for England by April 3rd, 2006, I will be satisified. Not happy, but satisfied. Another goal.

Speaking of goals, I am quitting smoking. Just as soon as I buy another pack of cigarettes. Argh. Sarah doesn’t even know I smoke, she thinks I quit, and I promised myself and several others I would quit, too. I just need to find the motivation I had when I promised them that just a short week ago. Help, anyone?

Been bicycling a little lately, it’s been enjoyable, except for times like tonight when my brake lines freeze and do not work what-so-ever. Or, at times also like tonight, where the lock freezes so I have to walk home from work. Dóh. I hope to bike a lot this summer, want to get into shape and lose a few pounds. My friend Micah has expressed interest in biking with me during the summer, hopefully that interest stays and we can do some really incredible, elongated bike rides. I could use a buddy who is willing to go to extreme limits (distance/time wise). No one else I know and care to bike with is willing too. That, and of course, I enjoy his company as one of my best friends.

So I got drunk for the 2nd time in my life a couple nights ago. It was exhilerating, and rather embarassing. Not the fact that I was drunk, but the fact it took only half a glass of Windsors 80 proof whiskey mixed with the other half of the glass, filled with cranberry juice, to do it. Then again, it was 2 in the morning and I was slightly tired and downed the glass in about 5 minutes, but still. I laugh at it, but I am still slightly embarassed about it, oh well. I was with Ryan and some friends that night, hopefully he doesn’t think i’m a complete lightweight now. 😛

I’m sure there’s more, in fact I know there is, but this post is getting way huge and I need to save some content for later posts. 😛 At least it was a nice little game of catch up.

Cheers.