Wow. Where to start. What an incredible 2 weeks (nearly) it has been since my last update. The beginning? Where is the begining? I’ll just post whatever comes to mind, when it comes to mind, sorry if it’s random topic switching, this is a journal entry though, not some piece of literature.

First off. It’s official that I “have a boyfriend.” It sounds so different saying that. It’s not that I am ashamed of saying that or anything (quite proud really, as he’s amazing :D), it’s just something I need to adjust to hearing myself say, haha. (I do like the sounds of it though, sounds kinda kinky… hahaha). I am head over heels in love with him, it’s different, I never have been able to feel this way about anyone or anything else ever in my life, perhaps that is what “love” is?

Perhaps it’s best not to analyze it, take it for what it is. It is something I would not know how to recreate, and thinking about it, I think my biggest fear would be to lose Greg, I simply do not know what I would do. He has become an essential part of my life.

I mean, I love Greg more than I love anyone else, even family. There are the days when I fear he may not feel the same, for no particular cause, I’ll definitley have to talk to him about it. It is not something I could afford to lose, I do not know how I would continue to live, I don’t know how I could live before without him anymore.

It’s really difficult, it’s an online dating relationship. I know, people are really prejudiced towards them, hell, even I was, I would make fun of the ads on the radio even. It is different though, when you are in one. I did not meet him with the intention of ever falling in love, I met him trying to kill him actually (video games, haha), and over the course of several years it has unfolded into what is now the best part of my life. I know there are those who refuse to believe an internet relationship could ever work, and I can understand their beliefs, people often are scared to try new things, internet dating being one of them.

I do have the intention of meeting him face to face one day though. We have both seen pictures, and we both have webcams, as so we can see eachother that way. We talk via microphones online, or just over the phone in general.

Distance is the only issue with meeting him, seeing as how he lives in England, it is not just a matter of a road trip. We are planning on meeting for a brief 20 days or so next month in mid thru late July, however short our time I will do my best to make the best of every second of it. It is the last chance we will have to be together until perhaps Winter Break, or maybe Spring Break or Summer Break next school year.

I am more than dedicated to our relationship. I would do anything for him and I believe him anything for me. It is truly wonderful, never in my life have I been happier. It is funny: even if everything else in life were to go sour right now, so long as I were to have Greg, I would not care, he is the only person that makes me truly happy, and I hope that I do the same for him.

I have, on occasion, told others I have loved them, when at the time I felt as if I did, but looking back on it, it is not the same love I feel now. It was that new thing, greatly cared/appreciated feeling I had confused with love. I had never experienced love before, and still may not be now, but what I am experiencing right now is more than good enough for me, and it sure as hell feels like what love should be. I am sorry Abbie, for telling you I loved you. At the time I had felt as though I did, but as I said, looking back on it, I realize I was decieving us both.

There was more I wanted to post, but I am tired. I have my first manage shift tommorow at crossroads, no other assistants will be working. If I can handle a health inspector though, I can handle a customer.

*cocks popcorn scoop*
Bring it on world, let’s see what you’ve got. 😀