I decided to try a new approach at getting along with my mother tonight. I am slowly realizing rather than waiting for my time to move out to finally come, that a good challenege would be to find a way to communicate efficiently and honestly with my mother.

With that in mind, after talking to her for a little bit about various stuff, I told her outright that I used to be a smoker, and told her that I have quit. We talked about it for about a half an hour, it felt good to be able to be honest with her for a change. I had seen it as also an oppurtunity to study her reactions to her telling me one of my biggest secrets to her, as to if I decide to inform her of my sexuality.

I’m not sure if I want to do that, because even though her response was well, and she said that she was thankful to know the truth finally (as she had plenty of suspicions before), she had also said that if she hadn’t already busted two other of her kids for smoking, and I was the first one she probably would have freaked out. Meaning, as since I’ll be the first kid of hers (and probably the last, but you never know.) to tell her that I’m gay, I am unsure of her reaction. Someone has to bite the bullet, though, why not me?

Ah well, all in due time, best to let her get her sleep for now, and tell her when it’s a time where if need be, I can disapear from her for a couple of days or so to let it sink in.

On a slightly different note, went out to Denny’s (it’s a restaraunt…) after work tonight with some coworkers, the cigarettes were practically being shoved in my face. It was extremely hard to say no to them, but I thought of my friends who have been supportive in my quitting, and thought of my own health, and decided against it. My crave for success finally outweighs my craving for nicotene, as proven by my 22 day anti smoking crusade so far, hopefully it lasts a long time – the rest of my life.

Great day at work though, learned lots of new stuff at CCC, started training for yet another task, I am quite enjoying all of these upcoming challenges, great motivation. I feel as though I’m actually starting to make a difference, not just earning a paycheck.

I still feel as if I’m missing something though, perhaps I am just a little lonely. It is afterall, 04:00, time for sleep. Goodnight.